It has been a few days since I last updated primarily because I could not bring myself to write about what I am seeing and hearing, but at the same time I could not avoid writing about it; it has been too much of my experience here.
I have been caught by surprise with how much I have been connected to, intrigued by, moved and impacted by are the kids in their teen years. They are old enough to know the tragedies they have gone through and the struggles they must face, but young enough to be needy of love, guidance, support, and to hope for a better future. They pretty much represent everything that touches near and dear to my heart. I have struggled to write about this part of my experience because the stories sound so trite and trivial when I put pen to paper. I have not even been able to write about some of this stuff in my journal yet.
How do you even begin to understand what a child must be going through who lost both parents last year, goes to school most days hungry, oh yeah, without books and when I asked why he failed to pass last year… because you know…"the funerals". And it is just story after story of this. I have met with most kids on scholarship at this point and it has been almost too much to process. I cannot even understand what all of this must be like to go through for each kid, let alone write about it.
The more I ask them, the worse it gets. How old were you when your father died? and your mother? who do you live with now? does your Aunt breaking rocks make enough money to support you and your 4 other siblings? do you have anything to eat? how many days a week would you say you go to school hungry? when was the last time your saw your sisters? and how are you studying without any books?
oh, you walk 3 hours to school when some teachers do not show up, ok, so you cannot study because you cannot afford the candle needed to study after you do all the housework in a home with no electricity, oh ok….so you are 18, never went past the first grade because you had to stay home and take care of your dying mother….ok, and then you you took care of and watch your father die….and now you are….ok….taking care of your 5 siblings as you are the first born. Without an education or hope for one.
Some of these meetings I go through without letting too much in, but most of the time, I cannot stop that. And there are times where just one of the things one of the kids says is just too much for me to handle. And then I get more upset thinking about how I am crying just listening to what they are going through….how do they even feel or go on living through it.
Wow….this is the first time I have really let myself cry cry since I have been here. Good thing I am in a nice and busy hotel lobby. Sweet. Just another day.
